Something New

While everyone is getting excited for Thanksgiving, I have something to doubly look forward to this November. Right as everyone has finished eating the turkey with all the trimmings, I will be getting ready for a wedding, my grandmother's wedding.

I have very few memories of my grandmother while she was married; I have even less of my grandfather in general. They got divorced when I was under the age of ten. My grandpa was an alcoholic and rather sadly passed away a few years ago without having reconciled himself with any of his children. Oddly enough, my name serves as one of the only memories of their union. My name is a hybrid of their two first names, Sharon and Franklin. Shalyn. (I have been told the story that when my grandfather told his buddies about the name of his first grandchild, they thought my name was Shank because everyone called him Frank.)

My grandma is a really strong person. Only a few years ago, she re-did the shingling of her whole house. She has always been a severely honest person, to the point of being brusque. She loves singing so much she goes to church every Sunday just to sing in the choir. Although she is completely tech-illerate, my grandmother met her fiance online dating. They got engaged over the summer when she moved into his house. They talked about getting married in April when my uncle could come out, but given the unforseen circumstances around him and my great aunt, they called last week to tell us the wedding was going to be the day after Thanksgiving.

My mother's family has always been close. I see almost all my cousins, uncles, grandparents, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, and relatives once removed every Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve, not to mention at what has become a yearly Clam Bake, our annual week-long family camping trip, and at periods over the summer when everyone is at their cottages (more aptly called shacks) by the lake which we call Camp. I don't think I know anyone who sees approximately 45 extended members of their family on a regular basis like I do. That being said, this year has been a hard one for my family. Death, illness, and general misfortune has been the general theme of the year. Frankly, we need something that isn't sad to happen. We need something new.

Thanksgiving is a time when we're meant to give thanks for what we have. I am always thankful for my family and the support they give. This year, I am thankful for having another day to celebrate with them, a reason for all of us to be happy and together.

It's Almost Thanksgiving

Who else cannot wait for Thanksgiving Break? I have to say I am so excited for it my hands start shaking when I start thinking about it. Just think about it! Those mashed potatoes, turkey with gravy, my mom’s Kaluah cake… oh that food. My stomach is begging for it. Then there is my bed. That soft, big, bed that I will be able to curl up in and not worry about getting up for class, work, or homework at 7 in the morning. I might actually sleep enough so I wake up refreshed instead of just begging for one more minute. Of course my family is there. Although I have to say seeing them is amazing my priorities will be sleep and food. Still right before finals family time is like a shot of strength and forbearance that I so desperately need. So yes I am excited. Very excited. So so so excited. The next week and half cannot go by fast enough.

Yet there is one problem with Thanksgiving Break. It’s timing. I wish it was a week or two earlier. And not just because I really want to go home, but because Thanksgiving is RIGHT before finals. When you go home, the whole time you are counting down the days until that last project is due, or that paper deadline is. So you can’t really relax. Because even if you are not doing homework or studying you know you SHOULD be.  So you feel mildly guilty even as you are stuffing those mashed potatoes or Kaluah cake into your mouth.

But let’s ignore all that stress. Today is a day to forget about those deadlines and focus on the positives. This year Thanksgiving is going to be really exciting at my house because we are also going to celebrate my mom’s and sister’s birthdays when we all get home. So I get 3 celebrations all in one weekend.  I am also hoping my sister and her husband will bring their new puppy Josie with them. I haven’t met her yet and it would be amazing if they did.

The English Department is also trying to catch up with this very fast moving semester. Professors are trying to schedule evaluations, finals, and still fit in time to finish the lectures. The English Department has some fun events coming up too. We are getting the house ready for Chowder Fest tomorrow. And Wassail Party is also coming up. Everyone is busy. It feel like it was just New Year’s doesn’t it? Can you believe we are approaching 2013? Well on that note I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving Break and I hope to see you all at Chowder Fest and Wassail! Good luck on finals!

My Biggest Piece of Advice

This semester has been busier than ever. When I have said this in the past, there is a sort of jovial tone to it, a subtle undertone that I am happy and doing many things. But as this semester wears on, I grow ever weary of being busy. I long for nothing more than the ability to sit down without a care in the world and do nothing, or  more accurately, to do things without purpose or requirment.

Every aspect of my life is busier than it was, and I never really considered myself idle last year. I am taking five wonderful courses, but they all demand more time than any of my previous classes. I sincerely enjoy RAing in Maywood Hall, but I can admit that RAing in a building is more stressful than my two houses full of upperclassmen last year.This year also brought additional responsibilities in my extra-curricular life. Rather than just attending Stitch Club, STIR, or Student Council, I hold some form of leadership position in each. Then I am also doing work outside of school; I have an internship and some extra odd-jobs I am currently working on. Not to mention, this year has been the most difficult for me on a personal level. Two of my older but closer relatives have passed away within the past four months. My uncle, who I deeply care for, did something inexplicable and is now incarcerated. My mother just had a very difficult pregnancy that culminated in a very difficult birth, but which luckily gave me a beautiful little brother, William. My father, who pays my college tuition, was laid off. I could spend pages enummerating family trials and traumas, but honestly, I think it would bore you all and just make me depressed.

The time that isn't eaten up by school, work, clubs, and family is spent eating, working out, trying to squeeze in a few hours with my friends who I feel like I have been severly ignoring, or catching up on sleep. Those moments not taken up by necessities are far and few between. I spend the few spare seconds I have between classes writing lists of the remaining things I have to do for the day and figuring out when I will be able to get it all done and finally go to bed.

For once, I really feel I have absolutely no down time. Podcasts and TV shows remain unlistened to and unwatched. Friend's text messages go unanswered except for the late "I am sorry but I just have too much to do." I haven't done laundry in two weeks, which once was a rarity but is now the norm. I don't have time to keep my room in order. I keep getting sick. I know I look tired.

I know what this means:  something must give. I cannot continue to bemoan my status of perpetual overworked business if I do not give up some of the things I do. My issue is that I can see no way of doing so without bringing on myself consquences that I find worse than being stressed and overburdened.

So I will wait out this semester, counting the moments until everything will all be done because all of it has to be done by the deadline. But don't do what I am doing. I have found my breaking point and must anxiously linger precariously close to the edge. My advice which I give  to everyone:  don't push yourself that far. Know your limits and stay comfortably away from them. What I am doing isn't sustainable. If this semester has taught me anything, it is knowing when something is too much for you and being comfortable with saying so.

Bitter Sweet

I remember the very first day in late August of 2009 when I first set foot on Clark University campus to participate in a two-week long pre-orientation program, ACE. I was so excited on my cab ride from Union Station to the campus, but my excitement quickly disappeared as I set my eyes on this unfamiliar place. I never visited Clark prior to applying and so I was shocked at Worcester city life versus New York city life. Boy is it different! Although I knew I'd enjoy my new found freedom from my parents and I would get to experience/start a new life elsewhere, I repeatedly told myself I'd transfer out. I originally wanted to go to Cornell University, but I was wait listed by them. Clark was my second choice. However, I'm glad I didn't transfer. I look at it this way: I didn't get accepted into Cornell fully because Clark is where I was meant to be. Despite the many times I continued to say how much I disliked Clark (for no apparent reason) and the many times I came back from break at the last minute because I didn't want to be here (because I'm such a city girl), I don't know if I would want to be anywhere else. I often say to my friends that I've learned to tolerate Worcester and Clark, but now I feel like I've just learned to appreciate them more. I was able to make my own decisions and mistakes and learn from them. I was able to experience a new life than one previously known to me. The longer I stayed here, the more I found myself saying that Clark is actually not that bad. I mean some days are really dry, but that's everywhere you go. You have to make the best out of your situations. Now that it's my senior year, I feel a bit sad. I'm excited I made it through college, but I just want to start all over again. I think I love Clark! I love that the people here are so diverse, not ethnically nor racially, but in beliefs, in interests, in their way of thinking, etc. I love the unusual at Clark and I love seeing people who make me think twice. I can truly look back at myself and say that since I've been at Clark I've changed a lot, both for the better and worse. I'm proud to call myself a Clarkie.