My Version of Feminism

The first semester of my freshman year here at Clark, my Spanish professor asked the class how many feminists were in the room. Out of a class of 17, maybe 3 people raised their hands. Everyone looked shy and uncomfortable. A few people (myself included) raised their hand about halfway, making the wishy-washy-kinda-sorta hand movement.

She then asked, “What if I told you that the word feminism means that women should be considered equal to men? It’s just about equality.”

When she then posed the question again, everyone in the room raised their hand.

Why are we so hesitant to use the word “feminist” these days? Why are there so many negative connotations to the word?

Feminism seems to be tied to sexuality, specifically homosexuality, which then brings out another set of prejudices. Having been called a “dyke” several times, simply for stating that I had a minor in women’s studies, as if my studies were linked to my sexuality, it’s no wonder that I’d shy away from the word.

If you choose to use the label “feminist,” you have to prepare yourself for a fight. You have to defend the title, and your position on any number of topics: sexuality, abortion, gay-marriage, economics, etc. To be a feminist means to constantly fight. And I love a fight as much as the next person! But some days, it would be nice to be able to get by without having to fight for a term that, if most people knew the correct definition for it, wouldn’t contest or fight over it either!

But at the same time, I think feminism takes on a pretty personal definition. So what is feminism to me?

To my friend Bridget, feminism is the jell insole she puts in the bottom of her high heeled shoes to help her get around campus on her busy days without her feet killing at the end of the day.

To me, feminism is realizing that if a woman wants to wear those high heeled shoes, she damn well may without being scrutinized for it. And if she chooses to wear a pair of black low rise converses at her high school graduation because she can’t walk in heels without looking like a baby giraffe…well that’s alright too!

Statistically, women are less likely to participate in conversations where men are present. They are also likely to preface their statements in class with, “This may sound like a stupid question, but…” or “I’m sorry, but…”

To me, feminism is making a community where women’s voices are heard equally. To me, feminism is about not apologizing for having a question or for making my voice heard.

In the CNN news coverage on the Steubenville Rape trial, they declared that the tragedy in the courtroom was the ruination of the two very promising futures of the star football players.

To me, feminism is about seeing the tragedy in a 16 year old girl being gang raped, filmed and photographed, then having it circulated over the internet, and being called a slut for it.

A lot of people think feminism is an exclusive ideology, only one for women to participate in, where women are promoted over men.

To me, feminism includes many different viewpoints, in many different contexts, with an underlying principle of equality. It’s about realizing that I don’t agree with all women all the time. And I don’t hate men, nor believe in superiority of one sex over another.

I don't feel like the stereotypical demonized version of a feminist: Idon’t want to burn my bra on the front law;  I don’t feel like cutting my hair short and getting neck tattoos;  I don’t feel like a slut “who’s asking for it.” I know how to cook; I’m pretty good at crocheting and sewing. I get offended when I'm told I'm being emotional, as if emotion were the opposite of reason and exclusive to women.  I like dressing up nice and going out with my friends.

And if I wanted to cut my hair short, burn my bra, and get a neck tattoo, then that's okay too: It doesn't make me any more or less of a feminist.

To me, feminism is my mother: a woman who is a secretary, used to own a motorcycle, yells at the TV during a Bruins game, is the best cook/cross-stitcher I know.  My mother, who let her daughter wear her black converses at her high school graduation instead of forcing her to wear high heels like all the other mothers.

First Week Of Spring (I hope I'm not jinxing it!)

Does anyone else smell Spring in the air yet? Or feel it in the sunshine on their skin and the wind blowing through their hair? Maybe I am a little early stating this, but I think Spring has finally made its way to snowy snowy Worcester. The Birds are chirping the students are out and about and I am ready to welcome the warmth back into my life and hide my winter boots in the back of my closet.

I already hapilly deposited my big winter coat on my bed and switched into a much more stylish and appropriate leather jacket. (ok maybe stylish is my own personal opinion...) My hot coffee has also been replaced with an iced latte. Spring is HERE!

But as I am a senior, spring brings another feeling into the forefront my my mind. Or lots of other feelings. Yes I have written blogs about this before, but come one, I have two monts left at Clark. What else would I be thinking about but that? Realizing that I am getting to the point where I can count the days left easily is  terrifying. And sad. Time to push forward with the job and appartment hunt I think. If only I had no homework.

But lets move on from that thougt before I get too panicked. Lets see.... What could distract me from the pounding in my heart and shortened breathing that signal a panick attack? With Spring brightening my moom I think I can continue on my Clarkie love list. Ahh yes, thats better. A much more pleasant thought.  I think I stopped at number 12. So here we go...

13. I love the random art that students will put around campus. Like that red door next to the library? What's that about? I never get them, but I think they are great.
14. I love when professor bring dogs to class. (Have you seen professor Elliotts puppy?)
15. I love that one tree near the holocaust building that blooms such pretty petals. Which reminds me I am grateful that when they redid Wright they took out the smelly trees. Seriously when they bloomed that whole area smelled like ... things I should probably not say here.
16. One of the things I will miss most after leaving Clark is the English department Spring Fling.
17. The Masquerade. Its a great dance. And an excuse to dress up like a spy this year, who does not like that?
18. <-------THIS.
19. Those random psych department research projects that make students do random things around the AC. Always hilarious.
20. The Clark Quiddich team. I have never gone to a game and really want to. The practices are so much fun to watch. They brighten my day.


Ok I suppose that's enough for now.
Enjoy this lovely Spring Day!

Clarkie Love

So it is officially Spring Semester of 2013. And for me LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE EVER!  (or at least undergraduate) Cue the panic.  Cue the excitement. Cue the blind race to the finish. It seems like I haven’t had a minute to sit down or shut my eyes since early January. 

Yet something amazing is happening. I am enjoying every moment of this semester. The trees are greener, the snow is whiter, the campus is more gorgeous, every minute is a prize. So I though this blog instead of ranting about how much I have to do or how scared I am, I will talk about all the amazing things at Clark that I will miss. 

1.       Those few sunny and warm-ish days in between the freezing cold ones when the whole campus comes alive and students are milling outside.

2.       Spree day. It’s amazing that this year’s was a hard won victory for the students and we get one more year of this beloved tradition. As a senior I was not ready to give it up.

3.       The Freud. That statue has become as dear as a close friend now. Not seeing him every day is a strange thought.

4.       The AC. Yes most of the time I’m there it’s for work I don’t want to be doing and I hate being there, yet it’s an amazing place. Everyone working together creates an atmosphere of camaraderie.

5.       The English Department. No I am not just saying that because this is the English Department blog. Seriously this place rocks. Visit it sometime. It’s a home away from home.  

6.       Jazzmans. Those caramel lattes.

7.       The Dorms. Don’t laugh. At the threat of possibly being homeless next year the safety of the dorms is amazing. Free water and heat and electricity. Why does that not happen in the real world? I am going to live in a box…(moment of panic again)

8.       Free Laundry.  Free WiFi. Free anything.

9.       The JC. I love that building. It’s so majestic and history filled. I love walking in there.

10.   Gala. It brings tears to my eyes. Every year.

11.   The little center.  It’s a dive, but such a well loved one.

12.   The cougar. RAWR

 

To be continued….

I unfortunately have to go to class so my list it half finished. I could go on and on. And will do so. Mostly it calms my panicky state of mind.  Feel free to add your own items to this list. What will you miss?

Reverse Culture Shock: From the Middle East to American College Life

After spending a semester abroad in Jordan, the time finally came for me to reenter into the American college lifestyle.  While I was abroad, I couldn’t help but notice how similar the two countries were.  Some of the similarities even took me by complete surprise and left me feeling pretty ridiculous, as though I had stereotypes of the Middle East which were oddly unfounded:  Of course there’s rain!  It just snowed last week!  The entire country isn’t a desert!  And even if it were, the desert is pretty damn cold!

However, oddly enough, now that I’m home, I’m noticing the differences between our cultures more than ever.  And I guess this is what people often refer to as Reverse Culture Shock.  Not that these differences can be categorized into “bad-versus-good.”  Some things are just different.

And now it’s time to readjust!  So to make light of an awkward situation, here are a few odd experiences in the clash between Jordanian and American college lifestyles:

1.        It’s okay to flush toilet paper!  In Jordan, people do not flush their toilet paper.  There’s a little wastebasket next to the toilets in which you throw it out after use.  Otherwise the toilet will clog.  And it will clog. No matter how little the amount you used, it will clog; and you will be embarrassed as hell.  Now that I can flush paper again, I have to actively remind myself to put it in the toilet bowl.

2.       It’s okay for a man to say “good morning” to you on the street! In Jordan, harassment is pretty consistent.  Sometimes it starts with something as simple as a man coming over and saying “Good morning.”  Yesterday, a student on campus held the door open for me on the way back to my dorm and said “good morning”….my first response was to blow right by him with my head high while thinking “what the hell does he want?”  Oops.

3.       It’s not okay to use the car horn as much as you want to.  In Jordan, there are many different ways of using a car horn.  If the light turns green, beep the horn to let everyone know.  Beep if you plan on overtaking the other car.  Beep if the road is narrow or you are coming around a sharp curve. Beeping is used to make people constantly aware of where you are in relation to their car…horns are always going off.  People living in Worcester might think they live in a noisy city…they don’t.

4.        Make sure you leave a tip…and stay in line!  There is no such thing as leaving a tip at the end of service in a restaurant in Jordan.  Because taxes are so high, people simply don’t leave gratuity. Also, the concept of “standing in a line” doesn’t exist.  You kind of just mosey your way on up to the counter, regardless of whether or not there were people in front of you.  That idea of forming a line and waiting for your turn accordingly doesn’t exist in most places.

Like I said earlier, these differences aren’t necessarily bad or good things. Not progressive versus backwards.  It’s just a different way of doing things.  And it helps if you have a sense of humor to get through it.

Something New

While everyone is getting excited for Thanksgiving, I have something to doubly look forward to this November. Right as everyone has finished eating the turkey with all the trimmings, I will be getting ready for a wedding, my grandmother's wedding.

I have very few memories of my grandmother while she was married; I have even less of my grandfather in general. They got divorced when I was under the age of ten. My grandpa was an alcoholic and rather sadly passed away a few years ago without having reconciled himself with any of his children. Oddly enough, my name serves as one of the only memories of their union. My name is a hybrid of their two first names, Sharon and Franklin. Shalyn. (I have been told the story that when my grandfather told his buddies about the name of his first grandchild, they thought my name was Shank because everyone called him Frank.)

My grandma is a really strong person. Only a few years ago, she re-did the shingling of her whole house. She has always been a severely honest person, to the point of being brusque. She loves singing so much she goes to church every Sunday just to sing in the choir. Although she is completely tech-illerate, my grandmother met her fiance online dating. They got engaged over the summer when she moved into his house. They talked about getting married in April when my uncle could come out, but given the unforseen circumstances around him and my great aunt, they called last week to tell us the wedding was going to be the day after Thanksgiving.

My mother's family has always been close. I see almost all my cousins, uncles, grandparents, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, and relatives once removed every Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve, not to mention at what has become a yearly Clam Bake, our annual week-long family camping trip, and at periods over the summer when everyone is at their cottages (more aptly called shacks) by the lake which we call Camp. I don't think I know anyone who sees approximately 45 extended members of their family on a regular basis like I do. That being said, this year has been a hard one for my family. Death, illness, and general misfortune has been the general theme of the year. Frankly, we need something that isn't sad to happen. We need something new.

Thanksgiving is a time when we're meant to give thanks for what we have. I am always thankful for my family and the support they give. This year, I am thankful for having another day to celebrate with them, a reason for all of us to be happy and together.

It's Almost Thanksgiving

Who else cannot wait for Thanksgiving Break? I have to say I am so excited for it my hands start shaking when I start thinking about it. Just think about it! Those mashed potatoes, turkey with gravy, my mom’s Kaluah cake… oh that food. My stomach is begging for it. Then there is my bed. That soft, big, bed that I will be able to curl up in and not worry about getting up for class, work, or homework at 7 in the morning. I might actually sleep enough so I wake up refreshed instead of just begging for one more minute. Of course my family is there. Although I have to say seeing them is amazing my priorities will be sleep and food. Still right before finals family time is like a shot of strength and forbearance that I so desperately need. So yes I am excited. Very excited. So so so excited. The next week and half cannot go by fast enough.

Yet there is one problem with Thanksgiving Break. It’s timing. I wish it was a week or two earlier. And not just because I really want to go home, but because Thanksgiving is RIGHT before finals. When you go home, the whole time you are counting down the days until that last project is due, or that paper deadline is. So you can’t really relax. Because even if you are not doing homework or studying you know you SHOULD be.  So you feel mildly guilty even as you are stuffing those mashed potatoes or Kaluah cake into your mouth.

But let’s ignore all that stress. Today is a day to forget about those deadlines and focus on the positives. This year Thanksgiving is going to be really exciting at my house because we are also going to celebrate my mom’s and sister’s birthdays when we all get home. So I get 3 celebrations all in one weekend.  I am also hoping my sister and her husband will bring their new puppy Josie with them. I haven’t met her yet and it would be amazing if they did.

The English Department is also trying to catch up with this very fast moving semester. Professors are trying to schedule evaluations, finals, and still fit in time to finish the lectures. The English Department has some fun events coming up too. We are getting the house ready for Chowder Fest tomorrow. And Wassail Party is also coming up. Everyone is busy. It feel like it was just New Year’s doesn’t it? Can you believe we are approaching 2013? Well on that note I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving Break and I hope to see you all at Chowder Fest and Wassail! Good luck on finals!

My Biggest Piece of Advice

This semester has been busier than ever. When I have said this in the past, there is a sort of jovial tone to it, a subtle undertone that I am happy and doing many things. But as this semester wears on, I grow ever weary of being busy. I long for nothing more than the ability to sit down without a care in the world and do nothing, or  more accurately, to do things without purpose or requirment.

Every aspect of my life is busier than it was, and I never really considered myself idle last year. I am taking five wonderful courses, but they all demand more time than any of my previous classes. I sincerely enjoy RAing in Maywood Hall, but I can admit that RAing in a building is more stressful than my two houses full of upperclassmen last year.This year also brought additional responsibilities in my extra-curricular life. Rather than just attending Stitch Club, STIR, or Student Council, I hold some form of leadership position in each. Then I am also doing work outside of school; I have an internship and some extra odd-jobs I am currently working on. Not to mention, this year has been the most difficult for me on a personal level. Two of my older but closer relatives have passed away within the past four months. My uncle, who I deeply care for, did something inexplicable and is now incarcerated. My mother just had a very difficult pregnancy that culminated in a very difficult birth, but which luckily gave me a beautiful little brother, William. My father, who pays my college tuition, was laid off. I could spend pages enummerating family trials and traumas, but honestly, I think it would bore you all and just make me depressed.

The time that isn't eaten up by school, work, clubs, and family is spent eating, working out, trying to squeeze in a few hours with my friends who I feel like I have been severly ignoring, or catching up on sleep. Those moments not taken up by necessities are far and few between. I spend the few spare seconds I have between classes writing lists of the remaining things I have to do for the day and figuring out when I will be able to get it all done and finally go to bed.

For once, I really feel I have absolutely no down time. Podcasts and TV shows remain unlistened to and unwatched. Friend's text messages go unanswered except for the late "I am sorry but I just have too much to do." I haven't done laundry in two weeks, which once was a rarity but is now the norm. I don't have time to keep my room in order. I keep getting sick. I know I look tired.

I know what this means:  something must give. I cannot continue to bemoan my status of perpetual overworked business if I do not give up some of the things I do. My issue is that I can see no way of doing so without bringing on myself consquences that I find worse than being stressed and overburdened.

So I will wait out this semester, counting the moments until everything will all be done because all of it has to be done by the deadline. But don't do what I am doing. I have found my breaking point and must anxiously linger precariously close to the edge. My advice which I give  to everyone:  don't push yourself that far. Know your limits and stay comfortably away from them. What I am doing isn't sustainable. If this semester has taught me anything, it is knowing when something is too much for you and being comfortable with saying so.